England player throws KKR jersey in Ishant Sharma’s hotel room

London, UK. An unidentified and suspected English cricketer has thrown a Kolkata Knight Riders’ t-shirt in the hotel room of Ishant Sharma, team sources inform. Team management believes that this has been done to “mentally injure” the Indian fast bowler and further deplete team India, which has already lost some key players due to injury and ill-health on its England tour.

Ishant Sharma had a forgettable stint for KKR in the first three seasons of IPL, where he couldn’t perform well despite being trained by Wasim Akram, a fast bowling legend. However, Ishant was a completely transformed bowler in the fourth season of the IPL after he left KKR.

“It is clearly an attempt to depress Ishant by reminding him of his KKR days. They want to push him in a corner where he starts doubting his own abilities,” Indian team manager Anirudh Chowdhary alleged, “This is not in the spirit of the game and we will complain to the higher authorities.”

Experts believe that such performances by Ishant in the IPL completely confused him about the realities on the ground

Sources inform that the Indian team management is planning to write a letter to Prince Charles regarding the incident.

“Charles is hardly in news these days as the only Prince people seem to care about these days is Williams and his new family after the Royal Wedding. BCCI is hopeful that Prince Charles will feel good and honored by this gesture and might take some steps to punish the erring cricketers,” our source said.

It’s not yet clear if it was some English player or someone else who threw the KKR jersey in Ishant’s hotel room, but needle of suspicion in on England players, especially on Matt Prior, who kept on addressing Kevin Pietersen as K.. K.. K.. K.. Kevin in the first innings when Ishant Sharma was bowling.

Ishant went wicketless after conceding 128 runs in 32 overs in the first innings while Pior and Pietersen were involved in a 120 runs partnership.

“I don’t know what he did or said again in the second innings, but we suspect it’s him as it halted Ishant’s onslaught after he came out to bat,” a member of Indian team management told Faking News on conditions of anonymity.

Experts point out that such strategies to upset cricketers from the rival team during their stay at hotels are not new.

“English cricketers’ performance had suffered when they were woken up by a false fire alarm set up by Australian fans two years ago,” Rahul Saraf, a cricket expert recalled, “Now the English cricketers might be trying the same tricks on their rivals. Rooms of all other cricketers should be searched.”

Team management tried its best to find out if there were any pictures of Sreesanth, Symonds, or Mallya thrown in the room of Harbhajan Singh, but none were discovered.

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Airtel could drop Kareena Kapoor from their 3G services promotion plans

Known for her “size zero” figure, Airtel is reported to be worried over message interpretations by general public, if they use Kareena Kapoor as brand ambassador for their 3G services on mobile network.

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IIM Indore students offer to strip if Poonam Pandey gets admission

Indore. Students at IIM here have offered to strip naked if Poonam Pandey, a kind of no more struggling model, successfully manages to get admission in their institute. Students made this offer after Poonam claimed that she “did not mind” trying for IIMs if she were to study further.

“We will all run naked all across the campus if she makes it,” said Pratik, a second year MBA student who had waited full three weeks for Poonam Pandey to strip after India won the cricket world cup earlier this year.

“Unlike her, we will keep our words,” Pratik added, and claimed that at least 25 other students from the b-school were ready to strip naked along with him to “celebrate” Poonam’s achievement.

Poonam Pandey had promised to remove even those bit of clothes if India won the cricket world cup

The students have already written a letter to the model, who has been randomly appearing in newspapers and on television ever after she filled the Indian youth with the hope of having a desi version of Larissa Riquelme, the Paraguayan lingerie model.

“Please don’t come up with excuses that you have studied only till 10+2 and hence are ineligible to get into IIMs,” the letter appealed to the model who wants to get into Bollywood, “Now you can get admission in IIM Indore straight after 10+2.”

Poonam Pandey was not available for comments but experts believe that model, who recently bought a Mercedes, may not try for IIMs at all.

“She is already refusing remunerations running into 2 crore rupees and she can buy plush cars; why would she need an IIM degree?” an expert argued and asked the IIM Indore students to drop their plans.

However students are in no mood to relent. They have decided to mail the complete admission form and a postage stamp paid self-addressed envelope to Poonam Pandey so that she goes ahead and tries for the IIMs.

“And please don’t dare to think beyond the IIMs, we believe in your abilities,” the letter by the students appealed to Poonam Pandey.

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RBI hires goons for snatching money from people to control inflation

Mumbai. Frustrated with the fact that there appeared to be no impact on circulation of money in the market even after recurrent raise in interest rates, RBI has now decided to take extreme measures to control inflation and supply of money. The central bank will now hire goons who will snatch superfluous money from individuals and organizations to maintain the optimal level of liquidity in the market.

“We were left with no option, nothing seemed like working,” Dr. D Subbarao, RBI governor said. RBI has increased key policy rates 11 times in the last 16 months, the latest increase announced on Tuesday.

Sources suggest that RBI had liked Baba Ramdev’s idea of doing away with 1000 rupee notes, but the central bank preferred totally taking them away from people’s possession instead of replacing them with notes of lower denomination.

“We need to send a strong signal to the economy and we thought this could be the strongest one,” RBI governor claimed. RBI has decided to hire strong and sturdy men between 25-35 years who would make sure that there was not enough money in the market that could push the prices of goods further up.

These RBI goons will be placed in all major marketplaces across the country and they will make sure that nobody spends too much.

“All the security guards at multiplexes will be replaced with our goons or trained to become goons,” RBI governor informed, “They will frisk all the entrants and their wallet will be checked. Any amount of cash in excess of 1000 rupees will be confiscated then and there.”

Similarly goons will be positioned at eateries such as McDonald’s and KFC, who will not allow a person to buy more than one burger or chicken wings for himself. Women will not be allowed visit beauty parlor more than once a month, and people would be randomly robbed off at traffic lights.

Planning Commission Deputy Chairman Montek Singh Ahluwalia has welcomed the move by RBI and called it “aggressive”, while Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee has predicted that more such steps would be taken in future to control inflation and make lives better for aam aadmi.

RBI governor has clarified that anyone resisting the latest ‘monetary policy’ could well be beaten up by the bank goons, and he will subsequently be prohibited from spending above a specified amount on medical bills if injured while doing so.

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Rahul Gandhi gets ‘blinking eyes’ image like Govind Tiwari

Govind Tiwari, the young man from Allahabad or the chhora Ganga kinaare waala, is all set to redefine the political scene in Uttar Pradesh. Govind, who became an international sensation thanks to his creative blog, has inspired Congress leader Rahul Gandhi to get a ‘blinking eyes’ snap done for himself. Govind had captivated the whole world a couple of days back thanks to his animated snap.

Apparently Rahul Gandhi decided to do so to project an image himself as a common man who was no different from Govind Tiwari, just another common man from Uttar Pradesh:

Cool Rahul Gandhi

Experts believe that with Rahul Gandhi constantly blinking his eyes like Govind Tiwari, other Congress leaders will have no choice but to follow suit:

Manish Tiwari as Govind Tiwari

With every Congressman blinking his eyes, this surely is going to get some reactions from the BSP chief Mayawati while BJP would be left wondering how to react and take a position on this issue:

Who will blink first?

As the political eye blinking will get more intense and competitive before the 2012 assembly elections, the leading journalists of India will have no option but to analyze the whole issue:

Blinking, err. Breaking News

However, far from the madding crowd, another Tiwari (and his friend) will try their best to imitate Govind Tiwari, but would get only partial success:

Birds of the same feather blink together

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